Thank You, Luis Suarez

Yesterday's match between Italy and Uruguay pretty much had it all: no scoring, excessive fouling, excessive flopping, poor refereeing--it felt like even the always-excited Mexican announcers were having to dig overly deep into their hype reserves, calling out as though we were witnessing the greatest shot of all time any time that somebody managed to place a kick anywhere within even 10 meters to either side of the goal... but you could tell their hearts weren't in it.

And then everything changed.

A tussle in the box left two players on the ground after another meaningless play.  But something was different this time.  Another ridiculous flopping incident?  No, something is different this time.  Suarez is grabbing his face, Chiellini his shoulder.  The Italian gets up as players gather around the scene and pulls back his jersey, revealing his shoulder.  He's shouting about something... better check the replay... okay, there they are, tussling and bumping into each other... Suarez puts his head in and...

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Did he do it?  Holy crap I think he did.  He did really it.  Again.  He actually bit the guy.  And unlike the last two times I got to see it while it was happening!  Too bad none of the refs did.  I'm sure that years down the line their buddies will enjoy heckling them about it.

"Hey, do you remember where you were the third time Luis Suarez bit someone during a match?" 
"Ohmygosh, yes--that was epic!"
"I know, it was totally crazy!"
*everyone turns and looks at now-retired ref*
"I didn't see anything--I swear!  Please, you guys have to believe me!"

But the awesome didn't stop there.  No, for this is precisely the sort of incident that the internet was made for, because now there will be hilarious memes, gifs and tweets for many a day to come.  And it got even better at the press conferences afterward, where there was no "sorry," no "I didn't mean to," not even a denial a la "no matter what it looks like in the video, things didn't happen that way."  No.  Just a straight-up "these things happen."  Also wonderful: the Uruguayan FA's "sure, Suarez bit someone, but hey, he got hit in the eye too!" line.  It's as though they actually expect people to hear it and say "Why yes, you're right--deliberately walking up to someone and biting them on the shoulder is not only perfectly normal but also no different from throwing your elbow out in self defense when someone walks up and bites you."

Anyhow, I look forward to the saga continuing over the next few days, but for now I am off to look at images of Suarez with various cones and muzzles poorly photoshopped onto his face, how about you?

Edit:  Probably my favorite thing yet:

Solving World Cup Apathy(?)

I recently wrote about my feelings of apathy toward the World Cup.  I feel like I have partially solved that by watching broadcasts of games in other languages including Spanish and another one that I can't identify for sure but seems like it might be Arabic?  In the case of the former, it gives me a chance to dust off my very rusty Spanish skills and in the case of the latter I have no idea at all what the announcers are saying, but they're really, really excited.  Possibly even more excited than the Mexican announcers.  And for what it's worth, the excitement is pretty infectious. You don't even have to speak the language to sense that the announcers are getting super pumped up by the idea of Schweinsteiger coming into the game even if its for no other reason that they're filled with glee over the fact that they get to say his name over and over again.  Or maybe he's like Beetlejuice and you have to say his name 3 times to get him to appear on the pitch?

SCHWEINSTEIGER!

SCHWEINSTEIGER!!

SCHWEINSTEIGER!!!

Go ahead, make my millennium.

New Miniature Releases: Hordes

It's been quite a while since I've played Hordes, but even if I don't know that I'll be able to get back to playing any time soon, I'm still interested in the miniatures although the most recent wave of new releases brings a pretty mixed bag, in my opinion.

We start things off on the poor end of the scale with Horgle Ironstrike, who for me embodies the worst aspects of Privateer Press's recent development of their Trollbloods line.  The trolls were always characterized by tiny legs, tinier feet, big chins and even bigger hands, but I feel like the trend lately has been to emphasize these cartoonish proportions to ridiculous levels.  Poor Horgle's chin looks less like a part of his face than some sort of gelatinous blob oozing out over his left biceps.  And his arms are so long he could probably grab his ankles without bending over.  That said, there are a lot of neat details like the engravings on the weapons and stitching on the clothes that although they don't elevate this mini into the "good" category for me at least make it interesting.

 This one is by far my favorite of the bunch.  Una is a great example of how to make a special character version of a generic figure that already exists (the Overseer).  She has similar staff and stitched-together cape as the regular Overseer but the feathers, hawks and Wonderwoman-esque tiara really give her a unique and (for lack of a better word) special feel.  You can really tell this isn't just some regular minion and quite frankly she has more character than some of the Circle warlocks.  The birds are nicely sculpted too.  Una falls into the category of miniatures I would be happy to paint even though I don't play the faction.

 And then there's Fyanna, who is pretty much the opposite of Una in every way.  She's a character who seems to recall the Legion Striders with her legs but comes across uglier and generally less impressive than than the regular grunts in her faction.  I'm not a fan of the overall look for most of the Legion's infantry in the first place, but Fyanna here really compounds my dislike by adding together ineffective and silly armor, an ineffective and silly weapon, and a boring and static pose.  She just doesn't look very dynamic or intimidating for a mini that's supposed to represent some sort of super blighted elf ninja assassin.  My least favorite of the group. 

Tyrant Zaadesh ends the new releases on a happier note.  I like that he's quite sleek and dynamic; a lot of Skorne minis like the praetorians, paingivers and even the nihilators don't have that feel to them even if they're supposed to be representing highly agile, elite warriors.  Zaadesh captures the "charging into battle" feel pretty well, and although his weapon is kind of silly, his headlong rush would at least lend itself to whacking someone really, really hard with what is essentially a giant cleaver.  One thing I wish they would have done is gone with something other than the static pole with an icon on top at his back.  It's so rigid and straight that it comes across as dulling his movement.  A streaming banner like a lot of the Skorne beasts sport would have contributed more to dynamism of this pose.  Fortunately, that's the sort of thing that can be altered with a conversion, and overall I like Tyrant Zaadesh quite a bit!

The Road to World Cup... Apathy?

We're not even 4 days into World Cup 2014 and already I find myself disinterested in proceedings.  Maybe this will change when Germany finally plays tomorrow, although I'm not sure.  In the meantime though, I find my disinterest interesting. 

As a kid, soccer was that thing that my parents forced me to participate in 3 times per week because you had to force your kids participate in some sort of sport and I wasn't especially good at any of the others.  (I really wasn't good at soccer either, but I was at least not terrible enough at it to shame my mom in front of the other parents as had happened with, say, baseball and basketball.) 

During high school and my undergraduate years, when I did become quite athletic, I enjoyed the game as a recreational activity but never paid any attention to the professional scene anywhere. 

Now that age has teamed up with work and back and foot injuries to severely limit my actual playing time, I find myself increasingly drawn into the sport as a whole and follow the Bundesliga and La Liga as best I can without satellite or cable TV (thanks, internet!). 

But the shift from maximum participation/minimum interest to minimum participation/maximum interest isn't the only irony here, as the World Cup has a special place in all of this.  As a kid, it was the one time when soccer became fun--my brother and I would charge around the park with the other neighborhood kids, pretending to be Germany or Brazil or France or, well, anyone except Argentina since somewhere along the line we had learned that they were dirty, stinkin' cheaters, although we didn't have a clue what "Hand of God" was supposed to refer to.  

Now though, when my interest in the sport has reached its highest level yet, I find myself totally detached from the party atmosphere that the World Cup seemed to bring when I was a kid (and which FIFA and its many sponsors certainly want you to think it will bring no matter what).  In the last 24 hours my sport-related thoughts have focused on:

1. Joy over the Cardinals sweeping the Nationals, followed by furious mental calculation to determine what things might look like if the postseason started tomorrow.  Conclusion/Fantasy: having achieved a wild-card spot in the playoffs, we first crush the Dodgers on our way to turning the tables on the Giants, beating them as badly as they beat us oh-so-painfully-recently to win the pennant, and then we beat whatever AL team comes out on top over there (let's say Oakland, because they are marginally less irritating than most AL teams) to win the World Series.  BOOM.

2. Schadenfreude over the Miami Heat's epic destruction at the hands of the Spurs in game 5.

3. Mild interest over Roger Federer winning the Halle tournament for the 7th time. 

4. Oh, yeah--Switzerland, France and Argentina won their matches against Ecuador, Honduras and Bosnia, respectively... yawn.  Nobody could have possibly projected those outcomes.

But why do I feel so apathetic?  Certainly I think that greater knowledge of FIFA's many, many, many (just insert about twelve more "many"s here) scandals has put a damper on things.  I also find the insistence on the World Cup somehow being the apotheosis of the sport rather irritating.  Because let's face it, if you're looking for the competition that features the highest quality of play, this is definitely not it--that would probably be the Champions League.  Most of the major European clubs in general are better than the national teams that show up for the World Cup (and as far as national teams go, one can certainly argue that the Euro Cup has a higher overall level of quality at least until the format is expanded to become more inclusive). 

Furthermore, while I can definitely point to specific clubs that I follow, I don't feel much connection to any national team.  I'm not sure exactly why this is; I can say "I've lived in Madrid" and "I have friends in Dortmund" and "I've followed Real and BVB's progress for the past 10 months," but I can't do the same for any national team.  I'm an American, but I don't feel any nationalistic urge to support team USA just because I've lived here for most of my life.  Sure, I like it when they do well, but I'm not going to be furiously checking my phone for score updates like I would during el classico or the DFB Pokal. 

If there's a national team I feel most attached to, it's Germany, though again I am not 100% sure why.  Perhaps it's because I've studied German for 17 years now.  Perhaps it's because Germany's was the first jersey that my brother and I ran around the yard in, back when the World Cup was still a big deal.  (Perhaps those two things are subconsciously connected--who knows?)  At any rate, even in this situation my first reaction to the news that Marco Reus had been injured during the international friendly against Armenia was not "Oh no!  Germany will miss out on their best attacker during the World Cup!" but rather "M@*&$%2 F@*%^@# this better not impact his season at BVB next year!"

So, how do you feel about the World Cup?  Do you dig it? Do you just want it to be over with? Do you not care one direction or another?  What makes you a fan or not of national teams?  Regardless of the sport, do you find them as engaging as a domestic/local club or team?

Soccer fun, FIFA... well...

I was going to write about how I'm grudgingly excited about the World Cup, but John Oliver said it already:

The Cutest Bat

I don't normally go in for chibi, but Meridian Miniatures has sculpted a really, really cute evil vampire bat.  Seen here with his pals, who appear to be a kitty assassin, wolf marauder and some sort of cuttlefish sorcerer.

I have pretty much no use for this, but I really kind of want one.  Because bat.

Edit: In case you are not interested in miniatures, here is a photo of a cute, real bat:

Hey, what's going on over here?

Dang, it's just the obligatory introductory post.  Oh well, I'll try to make it short and sweet.

Upon the encouragement of others, I have started a blog.  You are reading it now.  This top part is where I will probably ramble nonsensically about something that interests me such as sports, games, movies, or literature.  The bottom part is where you can point out my grammatical errors and comment on the validity of my ideas. 

This is ultimately in part an exercise in generating content, but if you'd like to chime in on anything you read, I'd be happy to get a conversation going!

For those interested, I can also be found on Deviant Art as well as writing about food, drink and kitchen knives at Epicurious Whores.

Tschüss!

The most difficult task in all of sports?

ESPN doesn't have the greatest tennis coverage, but their summary of Rafael Nadal's win at the 2014 French open posed an interesting question: is beating Nadal at Roland Garros the most difficult task in all of sports right now?

It's an interesting question because it's so open, but to recap, at the time of writing, Nadal has
* a 66-1 record at the French Open (98.5% wins)
* a 90-1 record in 5-set clay-court matches (98.9% wins)
* won the most men's titles at a single slam (9 at the French), beating the runners up (Sampras and Federer with 7 Wimbledon titles each) by 2 titles
* won the French Open the most consecutive times (5) of anyone one the men's tour as well as being tied for the second most consecutive titles (4, tied with Bjorn Borg) 
* won the French Open 9 times out of the 10 years that he's competed in it

And this was the year that he was supposed to be vulnerable; not winning at the Masters events in Monte Carlo, Barcelona and Rome was widely considered a sign of weakness.  In the end though, it doesn't matter if you're a Nadal fan (or even a tennis fan) or not, this is--quite simply--a mind-blowing feat of athletic dominance.  How many other athletes can lay claim to being only 1.5% away from winning every single time that they've competed in a given event over a 10-year period?

So to return to the original question, is beating Nadal at the French Opem the most difficult task in all of sports?  In the current era?  Ever?  Personally, I'm at a bit of a loss to come up with anything that's quite as impressive at the moment, but it's obviously a subjective question that demands a subjective answer, so I'd love to hear your responses! 

Superclub BVB?

 PLUS

= PROFIT???

According to recent reports, Deutsche Bank is interested in investing in Borussia Dortmund.  The point here is, of course, to make money (the point is always to make money), but there is also a definite interest in turning BVB into a more evenly-matched competitor for perennial Bundesliga superpower Bayern München.  As a Dortmund fan, I am mostly excited about this news, but there's a part of me that's a bit upset at the same time.

One the one hand, winning is definitely more fun than losing, not having to worry about going through another financial crisis as in the early 2000s would be great, being able to consistently rise to the upper levels of both Bundesliga and Champions League would be awesome, and being able to retain all of our talent without it being poached by bigger, richer teams (especially Bayern) would be super fantastic.

On the other hand, I feel like there's a certain element of pride in the fact that the Watzke-Klopp era has turned BVB into a legitimate European contender without having to rely on some cash-flooded owner who can just solve all the problems with a dumpster full of money. (Watzke seems to agree, commenting to Die Welt that "I feel that the typical BVB fan wants to feel like part of a community and not a customer of Sheik X or Oligarch Y.")  And while there's a lot of romance in playing the David role and knocking down the Goliaths, there's significantly less fairy tale to beating a giant when you're also a giant.  As a fan of Real Madrid in La Liga, going into the Champions League final this year brought more feelings of "damn, I am going to be so mad if we don't win this" than the "oh... my... gourd-thisiscrazyawesome-Ican'tbelieveweactuallymadeitthisfar-holycrapcanyoubelievewemightactuallywinthis?! (!!?!???!!!)" feeling that came with Dortmund's run to the finals last year.

Then again, the common wisdom is that Europe will be increasingly dominated by the financial might of a handful of superculbs, so the only way to keep competing consistently is to become a superclub yourself.  So if the opportunity presents itself, shouldn't you take it?

Of course the deal may fall apart and none of this speculation will be relevant at all, so for now we'll have to wait and see.

What do you think?  Would a major investment from DB be good for Borussia Dortmund?  For the Bundesliga?  How would you feel if your team were presented with the opportunity to seriously elevate their financial firepower to a level they've never had before?